I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
