bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
