I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
