I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
