Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
