It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I party with great urgency now.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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