Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
