Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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