I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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