Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
