Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
