summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
