Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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