my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
