what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sext me about skeletons
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
