You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
