it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
