he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
