I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My life is pants optional.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
