I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
