A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
