Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am spending my child support on dildos
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
