not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
