Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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