How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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