Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
