The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
