apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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