There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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