you guys were way drunker than both of me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
