Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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