but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You are the jesus of drinking
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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