Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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