I didn't shave. On purpose
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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