Kiss
Puke
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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