i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
