it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
