I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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