my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
