My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
