You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
