hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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