I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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