The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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