All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
