You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
