Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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