There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
