Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
