I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
