I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
