I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
