YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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