Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
