let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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