it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
