My liver just broke up with me...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
